Today, Cupcake Wedding wrote this honest post about divorce, and I thought I would put my thoughts down here because this is something that has been on my mind lately.
That isn’t something you can say to people, in real life, without them asking if there is A Problem or if I’m Having Second Thoughts.
The answer is no, to both.
Both the boy and I come from broken homes. Odds are, we are carrying around some of that baggage with us. Like most, deep seated emotional issues, I wonder if it will rear it’s ugly head when I least expect it. I also wonder why some marriages work and some fail. My oldest friend is going through a divorce. 5 years ago I stood up and witnessed their vows. Life is like that sometimes.
Still, I believe we can make this work.
I also believe it takes effort. That means, having the hard conversations but also, listening. I also think it means not losing yourself. I’m going to totally go against what the media sells here, but the whole “you complete me” stuff (while romantic) is nonesense. If you’re looking for another person to complete you, define you, fulfill you, you’re going to fail. That’s crippling responsibility to lay on another person. I hear too many conversations about lost identity and repressing ones own needs for their husband (or kids). I watched my own parents marriage dissolve because of this. Therefore, I am vowing to make myself a priority.
I am also vowing to make my man a priority. Too many couples lose sight of each other because of everyday life (work, kids, etc). We stop courting each other when we’ve been together for too long.
I think the vows we make on our wedding day is only a starting point. We’ll continue to make vows, large and small, for the rest of our lives. We’ll live by some, we’ll break others. We’ll compromise. I guess, at the end of it, the best we can do is try the best we can, and hope for the best.
Weddings are, after all, about Hope, yes?
Your thoughts?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
You wrote about this more honestly and beautifully that I did. Thank you. I enjoyed reading it. I especially loved the part about people thinking you have second thoughts. Which is to say, I dont, but I fear people will think I do if I bring this up with people.
It’s tricky, because everyone says, oh, I know this is for real. We are going to make it. But a lot of people say that and dont make it, so how do you really know? I dont think you can. I think its a choice you make every day, but one day you might change your mind. And that’s scary.
Sorry to be so cynical. Im such a weirdo.
You can only do your best, and hope for the best. You seem like you’ve got a good outlook.
And I wouldn’t worry about both coming from divorced households — how many kids come from parents who are still married, only to get divorced themselves? Don’t let that bother you. Good luck!