We’re not serving dinner at our wedding. A wedding that will last between the hours of 4 and 10. Part of me feels like a stingy miser and fears that our guests will be horribly offended — or worse — feel sorry for us: the poor cheap fools who couldn’t muster up the dollars to pay for a proper dinner. The other part is so, so happy. With dinner out of the equation, so many other things I was worried over have fallen away, including:
- being stuck at a table and not having time to mingle with all my guests
- having everyone stare at me while I’m trying to stuff my face
- where to seat my mother if she deigns to show up
- weeding through a million centerpiece inspiration photos
- not having any sort of program to entertain guests with while they eat
And I know some of you will pause at the last one and remind me that my wedding is not a show, and I agree, theoretically. But you see, where I come from, a wedding is most definitely a show, replete with hula dancers, taiko drummers, dragon dancers, fire dancers, live music and slideshows. I’M NOT KIDDING! Most every wedding I’ve been to has been centered around the dinner (and accompanying show), usually a 3 – 4 hour affair, at the end of which there may be dancing, but most likely people just get up and go home. I never wanted that. They boy never wanted that. So we’re not doing dinner. We’re setting up 6 – 8 food stations around the property with small bites and small plates and 2 live action sushi stations*.
Still, I feel bad. I feel like people are going to judge me. I’m afraid there won’t be enough food and people will be hungry. I’m afraid that they’ll get bored and leave. I worry over when to do things like a first dance or a cake cutting if there is no formal program. It is making me anxious! And though I know I am being ridiculous, I can’t seem to stop worrying.
So I’m asking all of you, have you been to a cocktail style reception? How did it work? Was there enough food? Did you want to throw cake at the bride and groom when it was over?
*Fun fact: my grandmother immigrated here from Japan after World War II. Not knowing a lick of English but wanting to work, she started working at a local grocery making sushi. She did this for the next 40 years. So, sushi is my nod to my family. Thankfully, it’s also one of the boy’s favorite foods.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Seriously it sounds freakin’ awesome! Please may I come? Maybe just for the food?! It will be easy to make sure there is enough food!
P.S. If you forget to cut the cake or anything else – does it really matter? It means you’re having fun!
I had just hor d’vours and drinks and cake of course. The important part was telling people it’s just bites and drinks.
I’ve never been to a non-dinner wedding, so I might not be the best one to leave a comment. But I just want to pipe in and say that you are *not obligated* to serve people a full meal. It’s crazy awesome just that you’re serving SUSHI, along with other tidbits. And booze! And the people coming: if they are too bored to celebrate a happy day in your lives with you, then they do not deserve to be in your lives. People usually know how to get along at a party with other people, even if they don’t know them. They talk. They relax. They enjoy their beverages. They listen to the music. They don’t need constant stimulation and entertainment, imho. But I do recognize that you live in a unique place with unique customs that differ from the mainland, and that’s a hard thing to compete with. But just like Jesselyn says up there: if you make it clear what you’ll be serving, people will know to eat a meal beforehand and they won’t be surprised about it.
Overall, it sounds wonderful. Good luck trying to let the worry go!
STOP FEELING BAD!! You are providing sushi stations for freaks sake that is awesome! I’m with Anna can I come? I promise to leave a little bit of food for your other guests – maybe?
How are you supposed to eat and watch a show at the same time it seems distracting to me. Have you assigned your wedding a master of ceremonies? A trusted friend/relation/member of the wedding party who might be able to just give you a nudge and say it’s ?o’clock perhaps you should cut the cake and then gather everyone around?
I think it sounds wonderful and relaxed.
Oh my… just stumbled across your blog… and this post could be me! I hate the meals at weddings and that’s one of the things that I’ve been thinking… why do I have to have that on our day? Also have the same mother issue too… and the entertainment issue… Very reassuring to know that someone is having a wedding without the sit-down meal! Thanks
omg, a sushi station??! I love it. that is dinner! I’m all about the hors d’ourves. then people can mingle. I love it!!!
I think a cocktail reception will be fun. Just make sure you have plenty of munchies, and then go with it. DON’T LOOK BACK! xoxoxox
Thank you for all the comments and reassurance everyone! The more I think about it, the more excited I am about our food. We really are hoping its fun and laid back and makes things more social and less formal. Now if only I could get any caterer to respond to me….