I didn’t have very high expectations when it came to our wedding flowers. First, I realized that our budget was far lower than any florist was willing to spend on a wedding in July*. Second, we didn’t have colors. This pained the only florist we sat down to chat with. What color will the centerpieces be, she wondered? And the bouquet! What about the bouquet! What if it doesn’t match? Match what I have no idea. The bridesmaid’s wore gray. Our quote came back with a lot of pink flowers.

After that, I figured we’d do our own flowers. On my list of things to worry about, it was way down there on the bottom, hanging out with favors**. Why did I even need a bouquet anyway?

But then, a friend of mine who I had done pro-bono work for over the years offerred to do our arrangements***. For free. all we would have to pay for was the cost of the flowers, which she could get at wholesale prices.

I think she did a lovely job, don’t you?

{all photos by One Love Photo}

*Most places we inquired at had minimums for July
**We didn’t have favors
***And then to top it off she made all my ladies custom earrings. Cause she’s that awesome.

{One Love Photo}

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a little shy about posting shots of us and our wedding here. If you’d like to see some (and the brilliant work of One Love) Heather posted a few here this morning.

{One Love Photo}

I’ve been at a bit of a loss on what to say about the wedding. In some ways, it’s still too huge for me to wrap words around. In other ways it feels like any other day in a long string of days that the boy and I have been weaving together. Maybe a little brighter than the others but starting to fade around the edges and blend in with all the rest. I’m glad for this. Weddings are very raw things. I’ve never felt more exposed than when I was planning our wedding. I liken it to stripping down bare and asking all your closest friends and family what they think.

Or maybe that was just me?

I’ve especially been grasping for words because some amazing ladies are getting married soon and I want to offer them some nugget of wisdom. But let’s be serious here. I’m far from wise. And anyway, my experience may not be your experience. Your mother, for example, may decide to stay for the reception instead of walking out before dinner. And your pastor may decide not to take a 15 minute tangent in the middle of the ceremony to quote scripture that makes your skin crawl. I hope so. Because though I can sort of laugh at these things now and chalk them up to a good story, distance does that, it was very upsetting when it was happening.

And there. What I want to say. Things will go wrong. Not really news, I know, but hear me out. When people would tell me this, before, I would nod politely and think I am going to be so Zen none of it will matter. And this true, mostly. Like when the friend who was manning our iPod couldn’t find our recessional song and we stood at the alter laughing and shouting out instructions to him. Zen. Or like when we got to our venue and I saw that things hadn’t been setup the way I had planned. Total Zen.

But there might be other things that go wrong. Big things. Things that leave you hiding in a room cuddling your puppy, searching for calm. Things that leave your heart sitting somewhere in the pit of your stomach. Those things. You get through them. You pull your husband into a dark corner to sneak kisses. You goof it up in the photobooth with your mother in law. You give out more hugs than you think is humanly possible, then you give out a few more. At the end of the night you are grateful when your new family insists on taking care of all the break down and clean up so you can go home, sprawl out on the floor and make faces at your new husband.

The amount of love poured out to you will be bigger than the big things and at the end you’re married. And that’s the biggest thing of all.

Here’s the thing.

I cry at the drop of a pin. Sappy commericals. Movie previews. Puppies.

Other people’s weddings.

But not my own.

Not a tear.

Not even when I saw how proud and nervous my Dad was.

Not even with all our guests beaming back at me.

Not even when the boy teared up saying his vows.

Not a drop.

But.

I haven’t been able to listen to our processional music all the way through since the wedding. 3 seconds in and I’m a watery puddle of snot blowing mush.

Go figure.

Um, you guys, where did July go? It seems like yesterday I was wringing my hands worrying over chairs and pleading with the Universe to make sure I didn’t trip on my way down the aisle and fall in the pool. And now, it’s August*.

I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things, unpack from our 2.5 week honeymoon wandering around Australia, and resist emailing One Love Photo every 2 seconds to see if our photos are ready yet.

So the thing is,  I’m not sure what to write about the wedding, or even where to start. It’s leaving me feeling, I don’t know, self conscious?  I got married. It’s all so big still. I’m processing. The other day I wrote out my new name** and stared at it for a good full minute wondering, who is that person. Is that me? That’s me!

Big, you guys.

I promise stories are coming soon. I’m not just being a big procrastinator.

Ok, ok, maybe a wee bit is procrastination. I got married but I’m still ME. Even if I do have a new last name now.
—-
*Well, ok ALMOST August. You know what I mean.
**Yes, I changed my name.

This is for those brides to be who are spending their wedding night at home.

I struggled a lot with this one. I mean, really agonized over it. Would it feel less special if we didn’t spend our wedding night some place fancy? Would I be let down coming home to the pre-wedding debris, half packed suitcases, dirty dishes and piles of laundry?

In a word, no.

One of my favorite memories from our wedding day is of the two of us sitting in the middle of our living room in our PJs, eating the food someone lovingly packed up for us (because no, we did not eat at the wedding), giggling over the notes people left for us and staring at each other in amazement over it all.

I’m glad those first memories of the two of us as a married couple are right here, in our home.